Attachment

Attachment

Attachment is a profound connection that links one person to another across time and distance. While it is a form of affection, it is distinct from love.

More about this emotion

Brené Brown explains that we often confuse attachment with love. Love is centered on the well-being of the other person, marked by care and a desire to support what is best for them. In contrast, attachment is self-focused, relying on the other person to fulfil personal needs or desires.

According to Attachment Theory, developed by John Bowlby, attachment comes from a fundamental need for safety, through the presence of a caring and responsive individual, particularly during times of stress. While the theory initially focused on the bond between children and their parents, it was later expanded to describe certain relationships between adults as well.

Related emotions

Sources and other readings

The science of love, desire, and attachment

A. Huberman

The science of love, desire, and attachment

A. Huberman

Atlas of the heart

B. Brown

Atlas of the heart

B. Brown

Linking admiration and adoration to self-expansion: Dif...

I. Schindler, J. Paech & F. Löwenbrück

Linking admiration and adoration to self-expansion: Dif...

I. Schindler, J. Paech & F. Löwenbrück

Attachment theory is the science of love

A. Power

Attachment theory is the science of love

A. Power

Quotes

The near enemy of love is attachment. Attachment masquerades as love. It says, “I will love this person (because I need something from them).” Or, “I’ll love you if you’ll love me back. I’ll love you, but only if you will be the way I want.” This isn’t the fullness of love. Instead there is attachment—there is clinging and fear. True love allows, honors, and appreciates; attachment grasps, demands, needs, and aims to possess.

B. Brown

The near enemy of love is attachment. Attachment masquerades as love. It says, “I will love this person (because I need something from them).” Or, “I’ll love you if you’ll love me back. I’ll love you, but only if you will be the way I want.” This isn’t the fullness of love. Instead there is attachment—there is clinging and fear. True love allows, honors, and appreciates; attachment grasps, demands, needs, and aims to possess.

B. Brown

Try not to confuse attachment with love. Attachment is about fear and dependency, and has more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you because your empty. It is about what you can give others because you’re already full.

Y. Mogahed

Try not to confuse attachment with love. Attachment is about fear and dependency, and has more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you because your empty. It is about what you can give others because you’re already full.

Y. Mogahed